i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
