He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
