you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
