i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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