He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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