just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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