I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
