My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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