Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
