I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
