Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
