??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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