You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she peed on how many people?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
