I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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