No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
