I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
