This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
