im about as happy as oj after his trial
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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