i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
