I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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