You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
