The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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