Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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