Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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