What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
