i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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