Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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