Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
