My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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