Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
