HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
