When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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