yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
