I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
