I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
