I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
