I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
