it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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