hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
