I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
