so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found the puke drawer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
