i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
