She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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