I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
