I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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