This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
