I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
