I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
