Dual....:-)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
