fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
