I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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