hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
