We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm at about main and main street
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
