i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
