i don't like sucking hair
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
