Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
