Im at strip club and am horny
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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