another moral hangover. fuck.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
