I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
