I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
