soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
