Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
