She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
